Horsing around

I just read this article on News24 – yes, the site has not been banned (yet) in Soviet Nam – on how 'Organised crime targets sport'.

Pharmaceutical companies are scoring big time cashing in on parents who approach sports scientists and nutritionists and what-not to supply their soon-to-be-superstars kids with these illegal, performance-enhancing drugs.

Since it’s become public, they’ve found it harder to supply these drugs and some are now turning to untested veterinarian products instead. Now that’s not as weird as it sounds, as I know people - I won’t mention names – who have tried the occasional horse tranquiliser (Ketamine aka Special K) and are none the worse for it. How it can enhance performance, however, I don’t know though, as these people end up thinking they’re melting scuba-divers, trying to swim away on the dirty carpet of their dodgy flat for a few hours or overindulge, lose control of their muscles, disappear down a "K-Hole", hallucinate and lose the ability to comprehend language all the while squibbering around like fish-out-of-water till the effects wear off.

I’m sure there must be some kind of animal drugs which can help sports people, like an endorphin supplement used in bear-baiting (boxing, wrestling) or an amphetamine for greyhounds (athletics) or something, but I’d like to see an established professional sportsman try them. For example, let Os du Randt try one of these “uppers” and record the before and after effects. Before: Os du Randt. After: Bul du Randt. Should be a laugh.

I hope the South African Police Service crack down on these illegal horse-traders instead of spending their time on trivial matters like solving murders, rapes and hijackings.