Monday, March 12, 2007

What a suprissss...

And here I was thinking the weekend would be spent watching the FA Cup and chilling out at home. Susan and my girlfriend Sarah organised a surprise “belated birthday party” for me at this specialty snake restaurant in Go Vap Disrict (the address was 418 Nguyen Phan Tri or something like that). I thought Sarah was dragging me along to meet Bich and Minh, some of her friends from Hanoi, but instead I was met by some of our friends who supposedly all had other plans that evening, bloody scoundrels the lot of them, and madame Bich and monsieur Minh were nowhere to be found.

This place was a bit leftfield. They have these large aquariums filled with dead snakes being bitten by dead birds, being chowed by dead lice all submerged in a reddish, gooey rice wine. Another box displayed a wine-immersed dead seal surrounded by pickled seal’s penises and one with armadillos surrounded by giant lizards. It reminded me of my grade 10 Biology class excursion to Tygerberg Hospital where they took us on a tour of the pathology unit…shudder. Think hermaphrodites, cyclops babies, charred lungs and alcohol-swollen, grotesque livers, all wonderfully preserved in pungent formaldehyde-filled glass jars.

Back to the story. The snakeman chose a cobra, made it grovel and crawl around on the floor for a while, ritualistically washed it and peristaltically worked the heart up its body. Sweat dripping off his nose, he then whipped out his scalpel, cut open the cobra and removed the still-beating heart with surgical precision, severed the arteries and put it in a shot glass. He then drained the blood, as well as the bile, mixed it with some rice wine and voila! We had two bottles of instant snakeblood wine. Not for the tree-hugging type.

I sunk the cardiac shot, which had the consistency and texture of an oyster and, contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t an aphrodisiac (boo!), didn't give me hallucinogenic visions or even endow me with super serpent-like senses. In fact, I couldn’t even remember what happened about an hour afterwards. I feared the worse though, thinking I’d flip out and die a horrible death like the Greek philosophers Aeschylus or Chrysippus (Aeschylus died when an eagle dropped a live tortoise on his head and Chrysippus supposedly died of laughter after watching his inebriated donkey try to munch on some figs). Actually, it might have had a strange effect as I ended up at a karaoke bar, something which I would never condone whilst in the motherly clutches of sobriety or even the slightly clawed talons of simple inebriation.
Nevertheless, I am happy I am still here and in one piece, not grown a sudden liking for mouse-meat, rolling my “s’s” and that my tongue hasn’t forked. I’m also eternally grateful to Suzie and Sarah for organising it. I still don't have a clue who the hell Bich or Minh are though...







27 comments:

loesil said...

O shucks! Ek verwys al die Robertsonners die naweek na jou blog (soek traveling companions) en nou is di'e volksvreemde, grillellellerige gedoente op die blad!

Ek het nou so gegril, jy het nie 'n idee nie. Weet jy hulle worry glad nie watse slange hulle jou laat drink/eet nie? Dit word in die natuur gevang en nie eens spesiaal geteel vir eetdoeleindes nie. Sommige van die slange is selfs bedreigde spesies - dus het jy bygedra tot ons planeet se einde. Nice. Ek sal die groenes van jou laat weet!!!

Het The Stoff ook van die goed gedrink/geeet?

Ieegghh...die blote gedagte laat my sidder!

alet said...

Hoe moet ons nou weet dis nie sommer druiwesap wat jy daar afsluk nie?!?!?

Jon Hoff said...

You never said it was your birthday!
I've seen the live snake mutilation in Taipei. I'm no tree hugger, but it was pretty full on!

henno said...

Loesil: JY kan NIE kommentaar lewer oor goeters dood maak nie...

Delanie: Lyk daai slang dalk vir jou soos 'n druiwetros? ;)

Jon: Naah, birthday was like a month ago, hence the "belated" part, but yeah that snake thing is pretty full on.

James said...

Happy, happy burg. Dik teleurgesteld dat zy nie uitgetrip van daai slang bloed nie (soos Leo in the beach). Try eerder volgende keer 'n Peruvian padda lek.

loesil said...

Slange en trosse...ag nee, sies man!

alet said...

Ek sê ma net...

Wat is fout met jou mail? Ek het nou al twee keer vir jou gestuur en dan kom dit net terug!! :(

alet said...

En wat het van Mullet geword?!?!?! Het al die gepraat van "trosse en slange" hom dalk afgeskrik?! Weet ons darem dat hy nog leef????

loesil said...

Mullet, dit is nou vir jou eie beswil om 'n silent partner op die blog te bly.
Alet vermoed jy het 'n fantastiese footie-kontrak losgeslaan. As jy nou gaan verskyn, gaan jy dus jou eie reputasie ruineer.
Of net wys dat daar wel celebs is wat nie hul vriende vergeet sodra hulle tot bekendheid vuurpyl nie.

loesil said...

Ek en Alet staan al weer in die tou om Blogger-van-die-maand-bier te wen.

Gepraat van bier:

SAB mourns 'death' of Amstel
13/03/2007 10:31

Amstel out of SABMiller's hands
Beer still king in SA


London - Brewing giant SABMiller said on Tuesday Dutch brewer Heineken's termination of its South African subsidiary's licence to manufacture and distribute Amstel Lager would cost it $80m in profit.
SABMiller said in the current financial year, on a pro-forma basis, it expected Amstel to generate around $80m earnings before interest, tax and appreciation and that Heineken was terminating the licence with immediate effect.

The group said the termination followed an arbitration ruling that found its 2005 purchase of Bavaria in Colombia constituted a material change in shareholding of SABMiller which could be regarded as detrimental to the interests of Heineken.

The brewer of Miller Lite, Castle and Peroni beers announced in July 2005 it had taken a 71.8% stake in brewer Bavaria for $7.8bn before buying an additional 25.2% for $1.215bn in a tender that left it owning 97%.

The group said Amstel currently accounts for around 9% of beer sales in South Africa but it hoped to replace some of this with sales of its own premium bottled beers.

Shares in SABMiller are seen opening down 3.5% to 5.3% by traders following the news, while its South African-listed shares were down 2.2% by 09:40.

In a separate statement the group said it had sold its Pepsi franchise and an interest in a hotel and real estate development in Costa Rica for around $116m.

alet said...

ek is eintlik te emosioneel om 'n bydrae te lewer, maar soos loesil sê miskien is daar 'n kas bier (lees AMSTEL) op die spel.
Nie dat ons ooit die vorige kas wat ons gewen het gesien het nie.
Loesil het jy dit dalk alleen opgedrink?

loesil said...

Nee. Henno het dit seker op die vliegtuig "vergeet".

alet said...

Dus is ons nou sterk oppad om 2 kaste bier (lees maar weer amstel) te kan opeis!

henno said...

Thanks Jameson, sal kyk of ek 'n Peruvian padda innie hande kan kry of dalk sal 'n stukkie van 'n sekere kaktus die job doen...

A&L: Ek is self emosioneel oor die Amstel storie, ai arme Jenny. Die kus het dit ongelukkig nie deur customs gemaak nie (nes Christoff se souvenirs), daar is nog oppad...ongelukkig sal julle moet tevrede wees met Tiger Beer.

BTW: Silent partner Mullet is on his way here beginning April, so maybe he's saving his money and energy on a kickass 2 weeks in Saigon, killer!

silent mullet said...

...

loesil said...

Dus geen belowende kontrakte nie, Mullet?

alet said...

No more Amstel Jennys from the blog

michelle said...

So DIS waar almal hang, mm..
Alet - het al begin dink jy is ontvoer of iets.
Loesil - ons moet gaan koffie!
Henno - haai :)

loesil said...

Kanse is goed dat Lettie ontvoer kan word - woon mos in die hartjie van Jozi EN doen die crime-beat. Wille ding...jy moet die Amstel vergeet en eerder Brannas drink.

Beslis Michelle!Laat weet as jy tyd het.

Henno: Haai!

loesil said...

henno, jy moet ook 'n virtual pet op jou blog kry soos Caz.

henno said...

Good idea, maar dit sal nie werk nie. Ek sal in kostante vrees lewe. Sien, ek sal te bang wees jy skiet die blêddie ding (buite jag seison) of dat ek skielik 'n urge sal kry om sy nek oop te sny en sy bloed te drink!

loesil said...

Ja, ons is nie WWF se droom planeetbewoners nie.

Ten minste het ek energy saving gloeilampies in my huis.

Caz said...

Ok that post was a bit graphic for this bunnyhugger!!

En die kommentare(?) is 'n bietjie swaar innie moedertaal vir hierdie soutie...

Het afgeskakel al lang terug!

Anyway, hallo all!

Caz said...

Yes,,, even hallo to loesil die jags een... or is the word jagter,,, sorry I get confused

henno said...

I'm sorry Caz, and this with your new job at the WWF and all, how insensitive of me!

BTW, I think your Afrikaans is spot-on: Loesil might just be a bit of both...

Michelle, Loes: Haai

loesil said...

Ek weet nou nie of ek moet reply nie, maar die boer is in Mosambiek....

Anonymous said...

Hey, interesting blogs... Got here from Simon of Saigon's side... Did anyone tell you you look just like Bill Clinton?